relax
your about to get a whole new life...
>>>after the chess game - the king and the pawn go into the same box...Italian proverb
>>>re reincarnation:
we have only one life and many different bodies...
new age website
>>>after your "diagnosed" - the sound of music seems heavenly...
the food is delicious. the sky above you is a deep rich blue.
the reds are beautiful...
the weather is powerful and filled with god...
people are revelations...
everything seems to have an order and purpose...
after i was diagnosed i chose the door on the right...
the one marked - "entryway into a new life."
the one on the left - "going to hell in a handbasket" of course leads to simply more of the same.
the same noise.
the same meaningless existence. the same problem spinning around and around forever and ever. the same food. the colors faded and blurring into grey...the weather bothersome and annoying...
almost dying gives the lucky - the chosen - or the blessed permission to live...
and to the cursed - the unwanted and distrustful it whithers you into your final grave...
what door will you choose???
>>>>i can only imagine whoose going to find me: sitting here as iam. thirty vicadens all in a row and ready to send me peacefully to the ethers of gay heaven...
i arranged my entire funeral.
and if everything goes off without a hitch then there will be white flowers and white candles of all sorts,everywhere...
my friends gathered at the buddhist temple ashram on top of a hill near manhattan...
i'll be cremated or my body will be -
i'll be watching from above knowing i'll never have to pay off the master card i used to pay for it all...priceless...
my legacy: a mystery. a smile. a healing.
a thousand original poems. twnety years of photographs taken of empty hallways...
and of course, this suicide note which you hold in your hands...
right now.
I'am only a few minutes away from my life
a shinning gold door will mark the way, as i float down a long hallway as the images created and stored into my body waft out of me...
yeah - I'am going home, again.
but wait - let me back up a bit.
and escort you back to a time in my life before everything in my hell's kitchen apartment was stamped with "post it" notes that had instructions written on them as to "who gets what..."
a time when i was still a "citezen." when life was about hard work and suffering. dead inside and tormented as i was, about a year ago september.
it's just another tuesday at the goode household.
i smoke a few cigs and have a few cups of coffee and then i get a great idea.
i'am going to take a bath. i decide its even a better idea to pull out my "dick pump."
an hour later, ive got a "dick pump" wrapped around my cock. i always loved to use that thing in the bathub...
it's around 10:30 in the morning. i was actually having a good day, that day as i recall...
I was standing in the bathtub. the water was running. i reached over to turn on a four foot antique brass lamp next to the toilet. i grabbed the brass pull cord and when i did the electric current ran through my hand and into my arm. my left arm.
aside from the thought - "wow youve really outdone yourself this time haven't you ??"
or the simultaneous thought of "if you die now - everyone will know you had a dick pump wrapped around your cock"
>>
<
"no. theres no other way...youve got to get out of this...now."
"right now."
not that my cock or it's size is anything to be ashamed of: quite the contrary: people would know what an ego-maniac i was to have a fine eight incher and still insist it be bigger...
ok man - crunch time.
i summon the angels. they were watching anyway.
with all my might, my chi, my mind and strength i pull my hand away. i happen to be naked, of course which adds to the hieghtened state i'am in...being electrocuted, dick pump sucking, the water rushing around my feet.
as clear as day i hear - "if it gets down to your feet youll be dead..."
jump!
and in one motion i throw back my hand and jump onto the tile floor...the lamp falls toward me, toward the bathtub filling with water and then falls right into the water submerging the uncovered lightbulb...
it doesn't spark or pop out. it remains lit...
"thats odd." i think and almost bend over to examine why or how it can stay lit underwater...but suddenly i hear:
"get out of the bathroom - now."
the voice is clear and calm.
i follow instructions.
i walk away. i run to the other end of my apartment.
i stash the dick pump in my closet and sit on the edge of my bed for around an hour. then i make a phone call.
i'am full of light.
i look ten years younger.
i wonder if any light came out of my penis?
i ask myself - people have dumber things - haven't they?
i turned that lamp on hundreds of times before and nothing like that happened...it wasn't my time i guess.
i notice that jj has called on the caller id. leaving a message the exact time i was in the bathtub.
"look - i think you should come over here. i think i - well i - i mean it was an accident...i - ah - almost electrocuted myself in the bathtub...can you come over here?"
the first thing he says when he walks through the door:
"oh my god, you look ten years younger. your full of light..."
he laughs.
it was true.
it was one hell of a facelift...
"god is merciful - i guess..."
we both laugh.
"maybe i should take the day off from work..."
"yeah - i think so..." jj affirms.
that day marked the turning of a corner into a new reality.
an inkling of insight into a parallel universe. the tedious pain filled - scarcity driven collective conciouness that i was plugged into up until then somehow threw me outside of it.
for the next week i was in and out of the "old reality" and the "new one."
always start your day with a miracle...
relax.
your about to get a whole new life...
may gods will be done. not mine...
two weeks later i had my own public access tv show.
"jack tv."
"good evening manhattan!
surround yourself with angels...this is - JACK TV!
>>>shamans and witches - wicca and space brothers, unwanted and unloved, tweakers, stoners and believers, welcome to this healing space of light...welcome to this edition of jack tv..."
show number ___. and here we go..."
"this is the fastest 28 minutes on public access television. live! call me and tell me about your near - death experience.
the aliens. the ufos. medical miracles....spiritual tips on how to become a master or simply ask - your tv shaman - me - a question...."
"my name is jack and ill be your host."
<
"ok for those of you watching at home...as you may or may not know, a few weeks ago i electrocuted myself in the bathtub
of my hell's kitchen apartment and heres a safety tip - BTW - it's not a good idea to turn on a lamp while your standing in water...ok - somebody call me...
i went to the "other side" ok? i want to hear your stories --
ok - first caller..."
>>>
"the only thing i ever wanted to do was - change everything --"
